January 2009

“It’s Time”

I’m 40-something and started smoking when I was 14 or so. 

When Michael was born, Claudine put her foot down.  No more smoking in the house.   Back then you could still smoke in most public places.  But standing outside in the cold weather wasn’t for me. 

So, I did the next best thing.  Switched up for something with no second-hand side effects.  (Chew or Dip).  It doesn’t affect those around you unless a: you spill it on them, or b: they grab your dip cup or can by mistake and take a swig.   The later was often comical though.

Anyway, that means I’ve been nicotine dependant for over 25 years.

As for dipping, it was a 5-can per week habit, nearly a can a day but not quite.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.

I have quit before, heck quitting is easy.  But staying that way hasn’t be so easy.  My most successful run was about 6 months, and I used the patch to get that far.  So still getting nicotine, only the clean pharmaceutical variety.

I am nicotine dependant, and addicted, there is no doubt about that. 

But I’m giving it up.  It’s simply “time to do so”.   I started yesterday, I’m not brave enough to go ‘cold-turkey’, and I also love my family too much to put them through that right now.   It wasn’t pleasant last time.

So I cut back significantly yesterday.   Only three small ‘fixes’.   May not seem like much but it was significant to me and actually wasn’t that easy.

I stuck with that routine today, at least as far in today as we are.  This mornings little fix was different.  Certainly not enjoyable.  Not like yesterday.  Nope, my body didn’t really like it.

I expect to drop it completely by Monday, heck if later today is like this morning, maybe sooner.

So there, I’ve said it.  I’ve posted it.  It’s public.  So after Monday, give me crap if you see me with tobacco.  It’s important for you to do so.  Now I just need to figure out how to not gain 30 lbs while doing this.  I really cannot afford to gain any more weight.